Zero Expectations for 2022

Here we are at the beginning of a new year, and I am wondering why humans continue to set themselves up for failure every year by declaring expectations that the coming year will be better than the last. If 2020 and 2021 have taught us anything, it is that there are no guarantees, and setting expectations can leave you in tattered ruins. So, for 2022, I have decided to have ZERO expectations.

Full disclosure: My 2020 Christmas card was a tongue-out “good riddance” send-off to that year. There was nothing wrong with kicking 2020 to the curb. It sucked! It deserved to be set on fire at the curb. My mistake was expecting that 2021 would be better. Expectations do not always take into consideration things completely out of one’s control. Those expectations only created more angst and pain than I could ever have imagined, because I was dead wrong. 2021 sucked even harder.   

2021 turned out to simply be 2020 v.2.0 for damn near everyone, and for some of us 2021 was like 2020 on steroids, high-octane, and with evil superpowers. I, like many others I know, experienced sheer hell in 2021. As if the magnitude of continued uncertainty due to the pandemic weren’t enough to wear us down, there was personal loss thrown in on top of it.

So, the more I consider this choice of zero expectations for the new year, the more I believe that is a healthier way to go, not just for 2022 but, honestly, in any new year. This measured stance seems far wiser than to expect to do better than last year. Well, the last two years. Even in good times, for anyone to boldly declare that in the new year, “this is the year they will [fill in the blank]” -- i.e. lose weight, get more exercise, be kinder to strangers, spend more time with family and friends, learn to ride a unicycle, etc. -- is pie in the sky bullshit, and not really mentally healthy. Historical data bears this out even with the simplest of expectations; think about those gyms that are always crowded in January and February and then return to “the regulars” around mid-March. And for anyone to take it a step further and espouse that the general state of affairs of their own life, or god forbid, the world at large, will improve simply because the calendar turns over is practicing pure hubris worthy of a Greek tragedy befalling them.

The truth is we simply do not have that kind of control in our lives, and it is these types of unrealistic expectations that are keeping us from true happiness. Aren’t we better off going in without expectations and avoid the disappointment when they go unfulfilled? With zero expectations, I can live in the moment. I can discover unexpected things along my journey. I can then look back when it is over and be thankful and cherish what I had not expected: that gift of the special unplanned time spent with a friend; the fact that I feel stronger because I discovered an unexpected love for pickleball; the joy of learning to say no to endless requests for my time and skills, and instead savoring some extra time for me, doing whatever makes me happy in that moment.

Please, don’t think that I have given up on hope; that is certainly not the case. There is a huge difference between hope and expectations, and as a species it would serve humans well to learn and appreciate the difference.

Having hope means you are trusting the process. I preach this all the time at the shelter to those who complain that they always get “beat out” on the dog/cat/hedgehog that they really wanted. “Trust the universe,” I say. “You with get the dog/cat/hedgehog that you were meant to have.” I do truly believe that, and I find that the statement usually re-centers the individual, they agree, and look forward to finding that furry (or quilly?) friend that is meant to be their true companion. Well, except for the PITA folks who can’t be happy simply that an animal found a home, because it was never really about the animal but about themselves. But, hey, you can’t fix stupid nor cure narcissism! (And they probably are setting expectations for the new year right now!)

Having expectations means you trust the results and that you intend to reach those results. Expectations mean that you are trying to predetermine the future. Good luck with that! Expectations are inflexible and narrow-minded. Expectations will leave you by the side of the road and take your cellphone with them because you hadn’t counted on the unknown variables when calculating them.  

The future is uncertain. Hope can still work with uncertainty. In fact, hope thrives on uncertainty. Hope is a shapeshifter that will stick with you no matter what is thrown your way. Expectations rely on specific stated outcomes, and uncertainty is its nemesis. Expectations set you up for heartbreak nearly every single time.  

So, I hope you all have a Happy New Year. Once we have gotten past this, actually gotten past this pandemic -- hopefully, someday we will, right? this can’t go on indefinitely, can it? -- we will look back and think, “Wow! Yeah, that was some real shit that we all just went through.” And I am not about to add to that shit with the additional weight of expectations.